Thoughts on the first year of motherhood, and being one year post partum (and post C-section)

Pinch me.  My baby is turning one on Saturday!  

I heard someone say that the days are long but the years are short when you have children, and I have to agree.  

There are many aspects of being a mom that I love, but there are also things I really don't enjoy...

I am happy to be moving out of the baby stage.  I love having a now toddler and being able to interact with him more and watch him learn and discover new things about the world around him.  

And after a year, I finally feel like I am getting my life together and adjusting to this motherhood thing!

In this post I want to be honest and share how I really feel about the first year of motherhood and being one year post partum...

Never been in better shape...

I know it isn't the case for everyone, but generally I feel pretty good about my body after having had a baby, and I would even go so far as to say I am more confident.  

Apart from some loose skin, stretch marks and my C-section scar which will fade, I have never been in better shape...

I am at the lowest weight I have ever been as an adult.  I attribute this to still breastfeeding on demand and Nicholas being a fussy baby and needing to be worn in the carrier, rocked and bounced so much, especially in those first six months.  

I am proud of having grown a human and having breastfed him for a year.

Post C-section, I feel pretty fully recovered.  If I overdo it on the housework or exercise, I do feel the slightest bit of tenderness around my scar, so I realise there is still some healing that needs to take place.

Time for myself and missing my husband...

I don't find that having a little one to care for 24/7 makes me miss having time to myself all that much (perhaps in those very early days when just brushing my teeth or eating something was a challenge, but then I think I kind of expected that).  

I try and either rest or listen to something while I tackle a few chores or cook supper when Nicholas naps.  I plan to share ways I "fill my cup" as a busy toddler mom in another post.

I do definitely struggle with not having as much time with my husband, though - I miss him!  I long to have more time to spend with Rucus without constant distraction.

I need my sleep!

I expected disturbed nights, but I wasn't prepared for being woken 6 to 8 times each night or the devastating effects of chronic sleep deprivation.  

When Nicholas was around four months old, I experienced a few anxiety attacks and felt like I was constantly living in a daze.  I was beyond exhausted and felt so hopeless because no one could help me and there was seemed no end to the suffering.  

Sleep is still a huge issue for us, and on average I am up two to three times a night with him.  He also wakes at the crack of dawn.  5 am seems like a great time to get up each day!  

I honestly thought that by a year things would have improved, but here we are, still struggling away.

I am a stronger person...

As I mentioned earlier, I am proud of what my body has achieved, from growing Nicholas to birthing him, to nourishing him throughout the past year, I feel so strong and capable and even more sure myself.

Grieving what I couldn't have and also being thankful for interventions when needed...

I am truly grateful that C-sections exist.  My son and I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for one...  After a year I think I have finally laid the whole ordeal to rest.  I grieved the birth we ended up having and cried buckets of tears.  

I struggled with so much jealousy towards other women and friends who achieved an all natural birth, or who had their husbands present.  I felt ashamed that I couldn't birth my baby naturally and that I needed surgery to deliver him.  

Honestly the C-section recovery pain was nothing compared to the pain I felt in my heart.

 

Being a family of three and the many things I love about being Nicholas' mama...

I love being a family of three.  I love that Nicholas is part Rucus and part me.  I love watching my husband and Nicholas play together...  I love being greeted by a huge toothy smile when Nicholas comes back from being somewhere with Daddy.  I love kissing his head and breathing in his scent.  I love going out with him and seeing him enjoy experiencing new places and meeting new people.  I love hearing him laugh and being the one to comfort him when he cries.  I love praying with him each evening as I nurse him before bed and pleading with the Lord to keep His hand upon him and guide him through life.  

~

Nicholas' first year was a WILD ride...

Motherhood has been so much tougher than I anticipated it being, but despite all the challenges and the exhaustion, I absolutely love being Nicholas' mama.  

There is no where else I would rather be or anything else I would rather be doing!

I had no idea the love a mother feels towards her child could be so powerful, or the bond so strong.  

Share your thoughts!

Do you have a baby?  What was your experience of being a first time mom like?  What were a few things you loved about motherhood?  What were some of the difficulties you faced?

Please share your thoughts in the comments section.  I love speaking with other mamas and hearing their experiences!