The story of how I met my husband (we just knew)

 In honour of February being the month of love, I thought I would share the story of how I met my husband...

Rucus and I only courted for two weeks before becoming engaged!

Looking back, seems pretty crazy!

What can I say?

If you know, you know...

I can't believe that we have been married almost two years already...  

Married life is really, really good (highly recommended) and with every day that passes, my love for Rucus grows.  

I am so thankful for my husband and feel truly blessed to live life alongside him and raise our son together... 

 Let me begin this story by saying that I did not see this coming…I never imagined I would meet and marry the man of my dreams within a few short months of meeting each other…

 As a young girl, I had read stories about couples who just knew they were meant to be together, but I honestly didn’t think it would be the case for me…

But, when the Lord writes your love story, one shouldn’t be surprised at how beautifully and oftentimes swiftly, everything falls into place...

 At 23, I had reached a place of true contentment in my singleness, and had fully surrendered my desire to be a wife and mother to the Lord…

In September of 2020, shortly after my family moved to their own home in the countryside, the Lord opened doors for me to work at a small cafeteria in a little town about half an hour away.  

Looking back, I don’t know what compelled me to accept the offer, considering all my dreams of being able to homestead on a much bigger scale were coming true.

 Off I went to live and work in the next town six days a week, spending Saturdays at home with my family.

 I milked cows every morning and evening, picked and preserved fresh fruit and veg, and cooked and baked up a storm, collapsing into bed at the end of each day, worn to the bone.

But I loved this new way of life and enjoyed being surrounded by Believers – young folk who truly desired to live a life edifying to God.

Not long after I arrived, a certain young man who came in on a regular basis for coffee and freshly baked bread and milk, caught my eye...

I discovered that he was the local bladesmith, almost thirty, and very. much. single.

I endeavored to keep my interest hidden, (almost ignoring Rucus completely for the first while), although I did subsequently hear from my colleague, who also happens to be one of Rucus’  friends, that my knack for somehow always finding work to do in the coffee shop part of the cafeteria just happened to coincide with the time Rucus was due to come in for supplies.

 A week or so later, the owner of the cafeteria, organised a movie night for his family (a complete set up as I later found out), and invited Rucus to join us...

After that evening, the two of us felt comfortable enough to at least exchange a greeting each day, but it was only a couple weeks later when he was again invited to join us for supper, that we had a few moments to chat before the rest of the family came in after doing chores.

Thereafter I noticed that Rucus would try and engage me in conversation more often (which wasn’t easy considering how busy I was), and I was surprised to find that we shared similar interests, and he didn’t seem to be deterred, but rather intrigued, by my interest in things such as gardening.

 Somewhere around this time I sensed that maybe, just maybe, he was the one I had been waiting for…

A couple weeks later, instead of going home on the Saturday, I stayed in town to photograph a sweet friend’s new baby girl...

The photoshoot was scheduled for the late afternoon, so I decided to walk and visit another family in town that morning.  On my way, Rucus drove past me, and shortly before I reached my destination (a 3km walk from where I was living), he returned from town and stopped his car beside me to chat awhile. 

^Engagement pictures...

Secretly I was actually hoping that by some miracle I would pass him on the road that morning.

After talking awhile, he discovered I would be in town all day, and invited me to join him for a braai at mutual friend’s farm, provided my parents gave their permission, which happily, they did.

I was delighted to find how easy it was to converse with Rucus, and how comfortable I felt around him.  He made sure I was taken care of the whole afternoon. 

After the braai, we lingered in our friend’s living room and spoke the afternoon away...

I confess I was pretty distracted and shaky by the time I had to go take photographs, and couldn’t stop thinking of Rucus and wondering where this new friendship would lead…

 Throughout the next week I prayed constantly, and sought the Lord for wisdom, and on the Wednesday, I sensed I needed to pray and fully surrender my interest in Rucus to the Lord.  I asked that if Rucus was indeed the one for me, he would come for tea at my family’s home on the Saturday...

I remember thinking how absurd an idea it was considering we barely knew each other.  Why would he want to come visit?

Well, that Friday Rucus told me he would like to pay my family visit the following day.  Only later that afternoon I realised with something of a shock, that God had answered my prayer…

 The next morning, I was on tenterhooks awaiting his arrival, and even burnt the Chelsea buns I was baking in my distraction, much to my sisters’ amusement.

Rucus ended up staying the whole day, spending the time chatting with my dad, looking around my family’s property and meeting all my siblings. 

We had some time after lunch to sit on the porch and talk.

 The next Saturday, I stayed in town again, organising to visit an old friend that afternoon, just in case Rucus planned to see me again…which he did.  Yay!  He invited me to go on a walk with him in the morning.

We spent hours walking through the apple orchards which were in full bloom, talking the entire time, and stopping to sit and chat some more beneath the non-existent shade of an old dead tree and.  There are very few trees out here, apart from apple and pear trees!

^The day Rucus asked me to marry him was definitely one of the happiest days of my life.

 On the way home, I was pretty convinced that this man was the one I would marry, and shortly before our lovely walk came to an end, Rucus stopped and asked me if he could court me.

I didn’t even hesitate to answer yes, but said he should ask my dad for his blessing.

 Rucus wasted no time and went to speak with my dad the following day.  

Again I was on tenterhooks while at work, wondering what the outcome of their chat would be…

 That night Rucus and I texted back and forth (we had been chatting each evening via text messages for a week or so already), and I was delighted to hear that my dad had given us his blessing to begin a courtship.

Rucus mentioned that he hoped for a period of around three months for a courtship, certain that by the end of that time we would both know if we should take the next step.

 I am going to pause for a moment here to mention that the family I worked for, whom I trusted, had known Rucus for many years...

He actually came to faith while visiting them...

I knew that, had they had concerns about his character, they would have been quick to let me know, so our relationship could progress a lot faster…

On to the rest of the story...

We spoke throughout that week, and Rucus came to visit me at my family’s home the Saturday.  That afternoon we attended a braai which we had both been invited to, this time as a courting couple.  All I can remember is that the two of us only had eyes for each other. 

We went for a walk afterwards and spoke about so much, including some of those tough questions…  All the while we were seeking the Lord for His guidance.

 I was on cloud nine that evening when I went back to work…I was fairly certain our courtship would end in marriage.

Little did I know how soon, though…

The next Saturday, after another long walk, talking the whole time and asking each other some more difficult questions, Rucus said that he wanted to marry me…

Again, I didn’t even hesitate…I said that I would be honoured to be his wife.

Upon returning home, we sat my family down and asked for their blessing to get married.

 We simply knew without a doubt that we were meant for each other.

We both experienced so much peace, and were thankful when permission was given for us to become engaged.

 Rucus made my engagement ring which he gave me the next day…a simple sterling silver ring which I wore with joy and pride.

^It wasn't even that long ago (December 12, 2020) , but look how young we were! in these photos  {{smiles}}

It was wonderful to give him a hug for the first time and be able to hold his hand.

 Our news was met with much joy by almost everyone in the little town where we both were living at the time…many people had even thought that the two of us would suit each other long before.

Everyone saw the hand of the Lord in our relationship and rejoiced that God had seen fit to send Rucus a wife (he had been waiting for many years), and that a wedding would soon take place…

 Rucus asked to set the date for April third, and I gave notice at the cafeteria, agreeing to work till the end of the busy season.

I didn’t think I would make it through the next four weeks…

I worked harder than I ever knew I could, spoke with Rucus on the phone till all hours each night, and drove home to my family every Friday evening with Rucus, so we could spend as much of the Saturday together as possible. 

By the second week of January when I packed up my belongings and left to spend three months at home before getting married, I was beyond exhausted and eager to have time to rest and have more time to spend getting to know Rucus.

 Before I bring this rather lengthy tale to a close, I would like to share with you that I only truly fell in love with Rucus a couple weeks after he put that engagement ring on my finger… 

I am thankful that we didn’t base our relationship on feelings alone (of course there was some attraction!), which fade all too quickly, and that we had no physical contact whatsoever prior to becoming engaged…

 Personally, I think that by making the commitment first, trusting the Lord to be the One guiding you both, it is much easier to allow the other person in, knowing that you are building a relationship which will last a lifetime.

 We both knew without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord was the One orchestrating each tiny detail of our relationship, and we had peace every step of the way…

I found it so natural to share my deepest feelings – things I had never spoken of with anyone - with Rucus, knowing I could trust him completely, and that he would soon be my husband.

 We actually only had our first proper “date” (we went out for coffee), a month after we got engaged.

 Our story may not be a Hallmark worthy tale, but it is beautiful and so special.

Each day we grow in our love for another, and praise the Lord for the way He brought us together.

~

I plan to share photos from our wedding later this week, so stay tuned for that!  I realised I never wrote about our wedding or shared many wedding pictures...

I would love to hear how you met your husband...  Love stories are one of my favourite things to read.  And yes, I admit.  I am a hopeless romantic!  

Do share in the comments below!

  Do you follow me on Instagram?  I hop on there fairly often to share a peek into our daily lives...  You can find me @the.handmademama

our January and a long overdue life update (we moved!)

^Summer days are for water play!

 Happy February, lovelies!

What do you have planned for this month?

I have started setting small goals each month...

A few days before a new month begins, I sit down with a cup of coffee and review the previous month.

I check off the items I managed to achieve and move things I didn't get around to on to the new month's list.  I also think about any new things I want to do...

Here are a few things I want to do in February...

- Clean out and organise passage cupboard (I am not looking forward to this task...it looks like a haunted house with all the cobwebs!)

- Find and purchase new tyres for Nicholas'pram

- Try a new recipe

- Write out 3 favourite recipes in my recipe book

- Make a baby gift for a friend

And there are quite a few more, but I'll leave it there.  I also have things like publish 1 post a week, have a regular quiet time and journal at least twice a week on my monthly goals list.

~

I can't remember when last I shared what has been going on in our corner of the world...

In December last year we actually moved to a big 1970's style house on a farm about 30 minutes drive away from where we were living...

^This was taken the day before we moved into our new house.

It was such an answer to prayer to be able to rent this house!  My husband now has a double garage which he uses as his workshop (he is a bladesmith and works from home making swords, daggers and some art knives.  If you are curious to see what he does, visit his website here), there is an outside flat which we hope to do up to accommodate students (my husband offers knife making courses from time to time as well), and there is a massive garden for our Border Collie to run around in...

^Misty mornings and playtime with Fletch.  These two are living their best life here on the farm.

There is plenty of space for me to have a vegetable garden at some point, and maybe even keep a flock of chickens.  The house itself is far too big for us, and at the moment we don't even use the lounge and dining room area!

^Honestly, Nicholas would always rather be outside, and a simple stick keeps him occupied much longer than any of his toys!

There are four bedrooms and two bathrooms, a big kitchen with a pantry, and a stoep out the front which overlooks the valley.

^Walking along the gravel road that leads to our house...

We are so happy in our new home and can't get over how blessed we are to live in such a beautiful place.  It is usually very windy here as we are quite high up and close to the mountains, but as a result, it is also usually cooler than anywhere else - a major plus for us as the heat of summer does not agree with us.

^That's our place in the top right hand corner.  See how misty it is...

The views are incredible too...

^Our backyard...

Since moving to our home, my sister, Gabrielle, has been coming over every Tuesday to play with Nicholas for a couple hours and give me time to rest or do something I love to do to, such as blogging.  She is actually here at the moment.

^I love spending my days with this cutie.

I wrote about filling my cup and how I practice "self care" as a mom last week, and one thing we have done that has made a huge difference for me, is to have regular help with Nicholas. 

I feel so refreshed after a couple hours of not having to constantly juggle doing everything with a busy toddler and I get to do something I wouldn't ordinarily be able to do.

^Fresh blackberries...hmmm

We live closer to my family now, which has made it easier to have Gabrielle come over.  Nicholas and I usually visit with my family when I take Gabrielle home.  He is quite comfortable wandering around their house and loves seeing all the animals!

^Nicholas with Judah, my family's pet sheep

I still do arts and crafts classes each week back in the town where we used to live.  Some mornings I have six little ones attending the class, which is so much fun!  These classes are a highlight of my week, and I love planning a new craft and getting everything together for it.  It is so sweet to see the children enjoying the process and being so proud of what they made!  Usually Rucus watches Nicholas while I am busy which is such a blessing.

^This is what happens when Daddy watches the baby so Mama can take a shower in peace!

I feel like I am finally getting my life together after a few years of life being very upside down...  

My family moved out here in 2020, and I moved again shortly after that to work in the next town which is where I met Rucus.  We got married in April 2021 and I fell pregnant with Nicholas shortly after that.  And once he was born, I barely kept my head above water for his first year!

I have started implementing a daily routine and making a weekly meal plan...  

Being intentional about what I hope to achieve each day and not wasting valuable time wondering what to do next or what to cook for supper, has made a big difference in how productive I am each day.  

I also find I have more time to sit and play with Nicholas or do things I enjoy such as writing in my journal or reading a few pages from a book while Nicholas naps.

^Rucus made me coffee and flapjacks for breakfast on my birthday while I enjoyed sitting outside under the trees and (attempted) to journal while Nicholas wandered around the garden.

January saw me turning 26.  It was such a lovely, peaceful birthday.  Gabrielle was here to play with Nicholas and I had a wonderful time going through mementos from our engagement, wedding and Nicholas' first year (I am a hopeless romantic).  I sorted through and organised everything which was really fun to do from start to finish without interruption!  

^How I love this man of mine!

That Saturday we hosted a birthday party/get together for our friends under the trees and it was really lovely!  I absolutely love hosting and it was something I really missed when we were living in our first tiny home.

Nicholas turned one on the 21st of January, and we celebrated his birthday with a tiny party for my family and a few friends.  It was a simple affair, but so special.  I wanted to do something for his birthday as I felt so proud of us for making it through his first year!

And I think that brings us to the end of this little (and pretty picture heavy!) update...

What have you been up to lately, friends?  What are a few of your goals for February?  

Share in the comments below!

With love, Kelly

  Do you follow me on Instagram?  I hop on there fairly often to share a peek into our daily lives...  You can find me @the.handmademama

filling my cup (10 simple ways I practice "self-care" in my daily life as a stay-at-home mom)

 Lately I have been thinking about "self-care" and how it applies to me as a Christian mom...  Is it a purely selfish practice?  Or is it a good thing?  

Maybe it is a bit of both...

Personally, I don't like the term "self-care".  I prefer to think doing things to take care of myself each day as "filling my cup"...

As wives and mothers, we are constantly pouring into the lives of our husbands and children, and taking care of our homes...

I find that when I do things to take care of myself, even if it is just making sure I get dressed into something pretty each morning and putting a touch of make up on, or sitting with a cup of coffee and writing in my journal for a few minutes while Nicholas naps, I feel better able to cope with the demands of the day.  I find I get more accomplished too.

I don't think that taking care of ourselves and doing something here and there to bring joy to our heart is selfish...

If my cup is empty, what I have to offer my family is pretty mediocre...

A lot of what I deem to be "filling my cup" ties in with "romanticizing my life" as a mom.  I'll write about the ways I incorporate that into my daily life in a separate post.  I know it is quite a trendy topic at the moment, but it is something I have been doing for years.  I just never have a name for it.  It really is simply finding magic in the ordinary and joy in the mundane...

A few simple ways I fill my cup each day...

I get myself ready for the day...

My husband actually encourages me to take the time to get myself ready in the mornings.  He will often take Nicholas so I can shower or get dressed.  Personally, I am a better wife, mother and homemaker when I look and feel good.

"It is ever so much easier to be good if one's clothes are fashionable!"

~Anne Shirley, Anne of Green Gables

I wear things that make me feel pretty...

I love wearing earrings - I feel put together when I am wearing them.  Lately I have also been enjoying wearing a necklace...it makes me feel extra feminine.  My husband loves it when I wear dresses, and I was shocked to realise that I don't even own a pair of pants anymore!  I love feeling feminine in skirts and dresses (but that is just personal preference and I have absolutely nothing against pants) and that helps me feel more womanly and motivated to take care of my home, play with my toddler and cook wholesome meals for my family.  

I also love wearing make up.  Even if it is just mascara, I feel more confident and attractive, and I think that is a good thing.

I eat well...

It can be so easy to just eat on the go, not eat at all, or grab something quick and hardly nourishing when you are running after a little one or have a long list of chores to accomplish.  

I feel ill if I don't eat a balanced meal or overdo it on the sugar.  I am also less productive because I feel sluggish and unable to focus.  I know eating can sometimes feel like a chore, but it is so important.  I usually feed Nicholas his breakfast first thing in the morning, and either I make something small for myself while he plays outside (I keep an eye on him all the time), or I wait till he goes down for his nap and cook myself some eggs on toast, or cut up some fruit into a bowl of granola and yoghurt.  I also try to not go overboard on the coffee.

I take time to be quiet...

Having quiet time each day is vital for me.  I get flustered easily with my endless to do lists and feel pretty overstimulated with all the noise my toddler makes throughout the day, that I need time to be quiet when he naps.  I prioritize this time and either sit and write in my journal for a few minutes, read a chapter from a book, work on a blog post or watch something on YouTube.  

Obviously, this isn't always possible and some days I need to rather use nap time to get some household things done.  For instance, it is impossible to wash the floors while Nicholas is awake, so I do that when he is sleeping and listen to a podcast while I am busy.  Currently I am really enjoying the Honey I'm Homemaker series on Megan Fox Unlocked on YouTube.

I get fresh air and exercise...

I haven't been able to walk much lately because my pram is needing new tyres, but that is something I love to do, and the fresh air and exercise always makes me feel good.  It is a time I can just be silent, pray, and listen to the sounds of nature while soaking up the pretty amazing views around here.  Walking is a joy for me and thankfully Nicholas and Fletch enjoy this time too!

Music sets the tone in my home...

I love having music on throughout the day.  I listen to a variety of music, from instrumental to Broadway to jazz, with some pop thrown in there every now and again.  Music inspires me and makes me happy.

"A thing of beauty is a joy forever." ~John Keats

I use the pretty dishes and beautiful stationary because...why not?

Other things I do on a daily basis to fill my cup, is to use the pretty dishes for myself too, not just when I serve guests or my husband a slice of cake.  Using a favourite mug or tea cup for your tea or coffee (and drinking your favourite tea or coffee too!) is such a simple way to bring joy to your heart and a smile to your face.

I also love using pretty stationary when I make shopping lists or writing in my journal.  I print out beautiful planners and put them up on my fridge using magnets I love.  

"Happiness is the result of an attitude of mind...I believe you can build it out of small things." ~ Miss Read

I make small things into special moments for myself...

I love making an occasion of simple things.  For instance, if you need to plan out your goals and priorities for the week or write out a favourite recipe in your (pretty, of course) recipe book, make sure you have something delicious to sip or munch on, put an inspiring soundtrack on the speaker and set about your task.

I have hobbies...

I have several hobbies that I enjoy doing.  Sewing is one of them.  When I get time, I love using beautiful fabrics to make pretty things for myself and my home, or gifts for friends.  I feel a sense of accomplishment and love looking at the beautiful things I was able to make.  

Gardening and cooking are also such satisfying hobbies for me and bless my family too!

"One can dream so much better in a room where there are pretty things."

~Anne Shirley, Anne of Green Gables

I make my home a lovely place...

Adding pretty touches around your home can make such a difference.  Your environment most definitely impacts your mood. 

I try and have a few vases of fresh flowers in the kitchen, my bathroom and bedroom all the time.  Flowers bring a smile to my face and beautify my home.

One doesn't need to spend loads of money or have the best of everything to make your home a lovely place.

~

I really do think that filling my cup and romanticizing my life go hand in hand.  And both things bless my home and family and help me be the wife, mother and homemaker I desire to be.

I  think it goes without saying that moderation is key, as with most things in life, and some days it isn't possible to set aside time for yourself.

But I believe it is important to make sure we aren't running on empty and prioritize taking care of ourselves along with our husbands, homes and children. 

The biggest thing I would add is to pray without ceasing...  Keep your mind on things Above and commune daily with Lord as you watch over your little ones, serve your husband and bless your home.

Agree or disagree?  How do you 'fill your cup' as a wife, homemaker and mama?

With love, Kelly

Celebrating Nicholas' First Birthday (and the last of his monthly milestone updates)

This gorgeous little boy of mine turned one years old on Saturday...

I didn't think I would be as emotional I was this weekend, but it really is surreal to think that his first year is already over, along with so many of his "firsts"...

We celebrated his birthday with a small party for my family and a few friends.  

We wanted to keep it really simple and I love how all the decor and snacks turned out...

I made this delicious blueberry and lemon pound cake with a lemon drizzle icing.  

For a simple and natural looking cake topper, I cut a few little flags from pretty blue scrapbook paper, and hot glued them to hessian twine to make a bunting.  I hot glued each end to a twig and stuck the bunting in each cake.

I made a mini cake for Nicholas and popped a white candle in the middle...

I made some mini chicken mayo tramezzinis which I cut into quarters as a savoury snack...we also had pizza and chips...  I made some lemon and rooibos ice tea as well for the children and the adults that didn't want tea or coffee...

Mama and the birthday boy.

Blowing out the candle...

Getting ready to tuck in...

Hmmm....❤

At 12 months, Nicholas has seven teeth.  He loves looking at and pointing to the pictures and posters on his wall.  He has barely opened his eyes from a nap and he's asking to be taken over to his posters.  He can't bear having his nappy changed, getting dressed, brushing his teeth or any sort of personal hygiene for that matter.  He is just not into books right now and will not sit still for a story.  He suddenly started wanting his stuffed animals this past month.  After a bit of a regression, his sleep has been a bit better...some 6, 7, and 8 hours stretches.  And he actually slept through the night twice this month for some random reason.  He loves visiting Grandpa and Granny and all the aunties and Uncle Caleb.  They have so many animals to play with, including a pet lamb.  Daddy is still his favourite person.  If he is out or we have people over, he doesn't ask for his "milkies", so I don't offer him.  We are starting the weaning process - albiet very slowly.  Being outside is his favourite place to be.  When Nicholas is happy, he is the happiest boy in the world.  But when he is miserable, oh my gosh.  You've got to get the ear plugs out because this boy has a serious pair of lungs on him! In terms of development, he has now learnt to climb down the stairs too which makes me breathe a bit easier.  Nicholas is such a people person and makes everyone smile when we are out.

I am so enjoying having a ONE year old and I am so excited for his second year and being able to do more toddler activities with him, read stories and get to experience life through his eyes...

~

After I had tucked Nicholas' into bed, I sat and wrote him a letter which he can read someday.  I want to treasure all these precious moments in my heart...how I wish I could freeze them in time!

I have a box of all Nicholas' special things from the time I found out I was expecting him till now...  I have also tried to keep a record of all his firsts in the baby journal my mother in law gave me...  I am a bit sentimental, I know...

Thank you for stopping by today, sweet friends...and a big thank you to those of you who took the time to comment on my previous post on my thoughts on the first year of motherhood.  I really appreciate all your kind and encouraging words!

May the week ahead be a lovely one for each of you...

With love, Kelly ❤

Thoughts on the first year of motherhood, and being one year post partum (and post C-section)

Pinch me.  My baby is turning one on Saturday!  

I heard someone say that the days are long but the years are short when you have children, and I have to agree.  

There are many aspects of being a mom that I love, but there are also things I really don't enjoy...

I am happy to be moving out of the baby stage.  I love having a now toddler and being able to interact with him more and watch him learn and discover new things about the world around him.  

And after a year, I finally feel like I am getting my life together and adjusting to this motherhood thing!

In this post I want to be honest and share how I really feel about the first year of motherhood and being one year post partum...

Never been in better shape...

I know it isn't the case for everyone, but generally I feel pretty good about my body after having had a baby, and I would even go so far as to say I am more confident.  

Apart from some loose skin, stretch marks and my C-section scar which will fade, I have never been in better shape...

I am at the lowest weight I have ever been as an adult.  I attribute this to still breastfeeding on demand and Nicholas being a fussy baby and needing to be worn in the carrier, rocked and bounced so much, especially in those first six months.  

I am proud of having grown a human and having breastfed him for a year.

Post C-section, I feel pretty fully recovered.  If I overdo it on the housework or exercise, I do feel the slightest bit of tenderness around my scar, so I realise there is still some healing that needs to take place.

Time for myself and missing my husband...

I don't find that having a little one to care for 24/7 makes me miss having time to myself all that much (perhaps in those very early days when just brushing my teeth or eating something was a challenge, but then I think I kind of expected that).  

I try and either rest or listen to something while I tackle a few chores or cook supper when Nicholas naps.  I plan to share ways I "fill my cup" as a busy toddler mom in another post.

I do definitely struggle with not having as much time with my husband, though - I miss him!  I long to have more time to spend with Rucus without constant distraction.

I need my sleep!

I expected disturbed nights, but I wasn't prepared for being woken 6 to 8 times each night or the devastating effects of chronic sleep deprivation.  

When Nicholas was around four months old, I experienced a few anxiety attacks and felt like I was constantly living in a daze.  I was beyond exhausted and felt so hopeless because no one could help me and there was seemed no end to the suffering.  

Sleep is still a huge issue for us, and on average I am up two to three times a night with him.  He also wakes at the crack of dawn.  5 am seems like a great time to get up each day!  

I honestly thought that by a year things would have improved, but here we are, still struggling away.

I am a stronger person...

As I mentioned earlier, I am proud of what my body has achieved, from growing Nicholas to birthing him, to nourishing him throughout the past year, I feel so strong and capable and even more sure myself.

Grieving what I couldn't have and also being thankful for interventions when needed...

I am truly grateful that C-sections exist.  My son and I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for one...  After a year I think I have finally laid the whole ordeal to rest.  I grieved the birth we ended up having and cried buckets of tears.  

I struggled with so much jealousy towards other women and friends who achieved an all natural birth, or who had their husbands present.  I felt ashamed that I couldn't birth my baby naturally and that I needed surgery to deliver him.  

Honestly the C-section recovery pain was nothing compared to the pain I felt in my heart.

 

Being a family of three and the many things I love about being Nicholas' mama...

I love being a family of three.  I love that Nicholas is part Rucus and part me.  I love watching my husband and Nicholas play together...  I love being greeted by a huge toothy smile when Nicholas comes back from being somewhere with Daddy.  I love kissing his head and breathing in his scent.  I love going out with him and seeing him enjoy experiencing new places and meeting new people.  I love hearing him laugh and being the one to comfort him when he cries.  I love praying with him each evening as I nurse him before bed and pleading with the Lord to keep His hand upon him and guide him through life.  

~

Nicholas' first year was a WILD ride...

Motherhood has been so much tougher than I anticipated it being, but despite all the challenges and the exhaustion, I absolutely love being Nicholas' mama.  

There is no where else I would rather be or anything else I would rather be doing!

I had no idea the love a mother feels towards her child could be so powerful, or the bond so strong.  

Share your thoughts!

Do you have a baby?  What was your experience of being a first time mom like?  What were a few things you loved about motherhood?  What were some of the difficulties you faced?

Please share your thoughts in the comments section.  I love speaking with other mamas and hearing their experiences!